Moody

E can definitely be moody at times.  The other day she accused me of cheating at one of the word games that we play.  I thought she was joking, so I in turn accused her of cheating, and playfully commented about her boots.  Although it's hard to fully understand someones demeanor through a text message, I know her pretty well and realized that she was annoyed when she replied with something like.....If you keep mentioning my boots I'll never wear them again and if you accuse me of cheating again, I'll stop playing the game.

Most people I know, and I assume most people in general, would get annoyed in return, but I don't let the small things bother me and I have a very even temperament, until it's something that I'm passionate about, so it didn't bother me.  However, I am commenting on it, so maybe it did a little.  Who knows?

Regardless, I should turn my attention to the girls that I've gone out with recently.  Although telling about those escapades probably won't interest anyone that's reading this because of the bdsm, mistress, or dominant tags.  However, I have had recent past experiences that may interest those of you stopping by this blog.  Maybe I'll write about those soon....

Sunday Ramblings

Great weekend!  Lots of fun with friends, a good date, snow, workout....!

Of course thoughts of E did drift back into my conscious as I laid in bed listening to music, slowly waking up.  I guess it was because I played one of the word puzzle games and seeing her name appear in the game list just automatically initiates the thoughts and feelings.

I'm still tired and waking up, so my thoughts are stuck in reality.  The perfect symmetry that exists between us.  Similar views, but not exactly the same.  Intelligent and stimulating conversations, not afraid to argue over our opinions, yet maintain a mutual respect for each other's views.  I like the way she interacts in her life, the professional she is, and the lady she is in her personal life.

I could go on and on, but I'm sure any readers that may stop by don't want to be bored with my personal feelings and musings...and besides it's time for coffee and to get out and tackle the day!

And I'm sure I'll have spark of fantasy soon to write about!  When I look at pictures like this (and of course the full photo), how could I not!

Orders?

Once again I'll spare everyone the realities of the situation.  I will just say that it's a frustrating predicament. She's an amazing girl.


Now just to be clear,  in a real life relationship I wouldn't accept being bossed around all the time. I have too strong a will and too many thoughts, opinions, and preferences of my own.  However, if I had a real life relationship with E, I would definitely express my opinion and exert my position and preferences. However, because of the level of respect, admiration, and care I have for her, I would probably defer to her final decisions on most occasions, if we were disagreeing.  Again that's just an assumption on my part, but I could see how that would occur.  I'm a strong, confident guy, but when it comes to E, she's so firm, direct, and opinionated (which I adore), that I could see myself deferring to her in many situations.


Now, I wish that she'd give me a new order.  It would merely be a distraction from the unfortunate reality of the situation, but it would be so fun to entertain her and allow her to exert her inner dominance!




Besides, who could resist a gorgeous girl, looking this sexy in her boots!

I'll write more soon and maybe even continue the Fantasy or write a new one. 

Fantasy

I won't bore you readers, if there are any still out there, with more of my thoughts on reality today.  Instead I'll share with you a fantasy.


Note:  This is a fantasy that I wrote about Miss E.  Fantasies can go a little further than reality and therefore are a little more fun to read about as they induce deeper and more intense imagination.  Also, none of the pictures in this post are real, as nothing physical ever happened between Miss E and I.

The Audi wound its way around the circular driveway and stopped in front of the massive front portico.  They house was a massive 6000 sq ft stone structure located in a remote beach community.  J exited the car and stepped around to open the passenger door.  E gracefully stepped out and a wide smile spread across her lips as she admired their beautiful vacation home and basked in the anticipation of a long relaxing break.

“Your castle awaits baby” J said gallantly as he wrapped his arms around her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Mmmm, thank you my Prince” she cooed.

J stared in wonder as he watched her saunter into the house before he retrieved the luggage from the trunk.  She never ceased to amaze him, even dressed casually in flip flops, khaki Capri pants and a black babydoll tank top,she was a beauty to behold.

After unpacking he poured two glasses of wine and met E on the sprawling back porch overlooking the lower patio, the exquisite pool and the rolling ocean.  E was relaxing in a lounge chair in her tiny pink bikini.  J handed her the wine and sat beside her and wrapped his hand around hers.  They enjoyed the rolling sounds of the ocean, the cool breeze and the beautiful blue sky.  They relaxed, talked and savored the time together.

Neither of them could imagine a more perfect moment, a more perfect time.  They loved being together, the closeness, the comfort, the friendship they shared.

However, as much as J enjoyed the closeness and tenderness, he could only contain his strong desire for her for so long.  The sight of her lounging next to him, her beautiful body barely concealed beneath the tiny bikini was too much for him to resist any longer.  He slid his hand over and began caressing her thigh.  E closed her eyes and tilted her head back, enjoying his strong hands gently massaging her legs.  J moved to her lounge and slid down behind her.  He placed his hands on her shoulders and magically massaged her neck and shoulders as she leaned back against his chest.  He massaged her skin, her muscles, and ran his fingers through her sandy blond hair.   

She sunk deeper into his strong chest, feeling his tight pecs against her back, and he guided his hands over her shoulders and cupped her ample breasts. 

She gasped as he firmly massaged her breasts and lightly pinched her nipples through the thin fabric.  He massaged her chest and nipples until she squirmed in the seat, then slowly moved is hands down her stomach and to her inner thighs.  She gasped again and spread her legs slightly apart.  He was in awe of her sensual womanly body.  She wasn't a tall twig super model type, but the perfect combination of feminine curves and beauty.  

J took the cue of her slightly spread thighs and traced his fingers across her bikini bottoms.  E shuddered and raised her hips off the lounge to meet his fingers.  She reveled in the gently caresses and the electricity emanating from his fingertips and coursing through her thighs and soft skin.

A wicked smile spread across J’s face as he knew E was now lost in his touch.  His fingers brushed against her bikini and gently pressed against her mound.  He could feel her warmth as E began to moan. Slowly he slipped his fingers under her bikini and gently teased her tender lips.  A loud sigh escaped her lips as she spread her thighs wider apart, begging for more of his touch.  She closed her eyes and succumbed to his strong tender fingers and expert touch.  Little shivers coursed through her body as she anticipated each little touch and movement.

He slowly caressed and teased her as she began to squirm more and more.  “Ohhhhhhh” she softly moaned.  J didn’t want to tease her anymore.  He slid out from behind her and knelt down between her legs, pulling her bikini down over her thighs.  E gently ran her fingers through his hair as she guided him forward into her.  He kissed her thighs and lips for just a moment before slipping his tongue inside of her. 

E moaned louder as he expertly teased his tongue around.  He teased for a while and E enjoyed the building sensation and intensity, until she was ready for more.  Suddenly E grabbed the back of his muscular neck and pulled his mouth tighter into her thighs and wetness.  She knew he could resist and easily pull away from her firm grip, but she also knew he was happy to please her and she used this to her advantage.  As she pushed him deeper into her, she also inched forward and buried him deeper inside of her.  J feverishly kissed and licked at her wetness until she finally let out a deep groan and the orgasm shuddered through her entire body. 

E released her grip and J slid up next to her and wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm and gently caressed the goose bumps from her arms.

When E regained her composure she kissed him deeply and looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes, “Now it’s your turn".  E pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it to the floor, then ran her fingers through his hair and gently caressed the back J's head and neck as she kissed her way down his chest.  He loved the sensation of her fingernails lightly crawling over his skin and her soft sensuous lips simultaneously soothed and tickled his chest and stomach.  She reached his waist, undid the button and slid his shorts and boxer briefs down.  J lifted his hips to assist E's actions and in anticipation of what was to come next. 

E brushed her hair over his fully swollen cock and heard his satisfied moans.  After teasing his erection with her hair, she kissed up and down his stiff shaft.  J squirmed under her touch, "Ohhhh yes" he moaned.

Sensing his increasing arousal, E swallowed his pulsing cock and sucked it deep into her mouth.  She continued her sensual kissing and sucking until she felt his entire body tense.  As J clutched at the arms of the chair and anxiously awaited his final release, E pulled her mouth off his twitching cock and kissed it gently on the tip, "You didn't think I'd let you cum that easily did you" she teased.

"Ohhhh please, let me cum" he begged.

"No no no, you've got to earn it my love" she said with a wink as she stood and descended the circular iron staircase to the patio and pool below.

J jumped out of the chair to follow her, stepping over the bikini top she dropped along the way.  As he reached the bottom step he gazed at E and marveled at how beautiful she was and at her incredibly sexy naked body.  

"Now get in here" she commanded as she gracefully dove into the pool.

J immediately followed, diving in right behind her and swam up beside her.  E giggled as she felt his hard cock against her leg as they embraced and enjoyed a long sensuous kiss.  "I see you're still excited" she teased.

"Oh you know I am baby" he hastily replied.  He wanted her so badly and couldn't contain his desire.  He slipped his hand between her legs and massaged her still swollen lips.  E's head tilted back as the warm sensations began to creep back over her body.  J kissed and nibbled at her cheek, neck, and shoulders before moving down and taking her hardened nipple into his mouth.  He sucked and nibbled on her sensitive nipples and continued to work his fingers between her legs as she breathed heavier and heavier.  Suddenly she pushed him away, "I want your tongue again my love" she said with a wicked smile and sat up on the side of the pool with her legs spread wide beckoning him.

J enthusiastically swam over and positioned himself between her sexy thighs.  He kissed up and down her inner thighs and savored her soft skin against his lips and tongue.  E moaned and pulled his head deeper between her legs.  J wanted relief and wanted E so badly. He pushed his tongue into her sweet fold and hungrily lapped her sweet juices and licked her puffy lips.  E groaned loudly as she neared her second orgasm of the evening.  J savored her sweet scent and taste.  He loved tasting her, pleasing her and watching her squirm.  E's muscles tensed as her head tilted skyward and the warm sensations surged through her body.  Soon she grabbed his head and held him tightly against her as the wave rushed over her body again.  She fucked his face and tongue, pushing for more and more of the amazing sensations.  J's hands grabbed her ass and his fingers dug deep into her fleshy cheeks as he pulled her deeper into him.  E couldn't take anymore and she screamed as her juices poured over his lips.  She bucked her hips and dug her fingers into his head as her body spasmed out of control.  Eventually the intense electricity began to subside and she leaned back enjoying the warm glow that covered her completely.

As she enjoyed the warmth and caught her breath, J sat next to her on the edge of the pool, kissed her lightly on the head and held her tight.

E reached down and grabbed his stiff member, "If you're good, we'll take care of this tomorrow" she teased.  E wanted to fuck him, but she also enjoyed teasing him and feeling in control and knew that he'd be begging to fuck her by morning.

BREAKFAST

The sunlight was reflecting off the water as the bright orb slowly rose into the sky.  J was in the kitchen putting the final touches on breakfast and placing the items on the tray.  He the tray back to the bedroom where E was still sleeping.  

He placed the tray on the nightstand and snuggled up next to her, whispering in her ear, "wake up sweetie".

E stirred and let out a few satisfied moans as she slowly awoke.  J held her face and gently kissed her lips.  E smiled, kissed him back, then inhaled the enticing aroma of hot coffee and fresh omelets.  As she opened her eyes, she stirred a bit taking in the sight of her lover standing before her in boxer briefs, his chest and arms strong and bare and those thick muscular thighs from years of playing soccer.

J climbed into bed next to her and they chatted about the day ahead as they devoured the delicious breakfast.  

When E was finished, J put the dishes back on the tray and placed it on the bed stand.  He rolled over on top of her and kissed her deeply.  E let out a warm moan and returned his passionate kiss.  

J was still "worked up" from the evening and dying to have her.  He pinned her arms above her head and kissed her deeper and more passionately.  E succumbed to his strength and power and squirmed in delight beneath him.

He kissed his way from her tender lips, down her neck, hungrily kissing and nibbling at her sweet tender skin.  E felt the lighting touches surge through her body and the warmth returning between her legs.  He continued down to her heaving chest and teased, licked, kneaded, and nibbled on her perky nipples.  More moans escaped her lips as she helplessly lay there being devoured by her powerful lover.

Moving from her beautiful breasts down to her stomach and eventually her inner thighs, kissing and teasing along the way.  J had released her wrists to move down her body, but she had kept her hands intertwined above her head in a submissive position.  She enjoyed his command and strength and was basking in his firm yet loving touches.

J kissed and teased her inner thighs and brushed against her now swelling mound, teasing her and making her squirm even more.  He wanted to taste and savor her again, but he also needed to have her and didn't want to waste his opportunity like the night before.  He grabbed the waistband of her silky panties and pulled them down her thighs.  Tossing them aside he straddled her, grabbed her wrists again and teased his hardness against her wet opening.  She allowed him to tease and toy with her for a few more moments, then just as he was slipping his manhood inside of her she stared hard into his eyes, "Stop!" she commanded.  J was ready and wanted her, but her firm control always rendered him helpless to her.  "Get off of me and lie down on the bed" she said forcefully.  E climbed on top of him as he lay back on the bed, she pushed his strong shoulders into the mattress and slipped down onto his rigid member.  E looked him deep in the eye and they both knew she was in control.......to be continued.

Timing

Now that I'm dating again I'm faced with the question or issue of "timing".   I've heard people say that unfortunately the timing just wasn't right for their relationship to occur, but then later I often hear those same people expressing regret over having missed an opportunity that may have provided them with the best relationship of their life.

It's certainly a difficult concept.  However, having been through divorce myself and experienced various levels of relationships, from "fine", to "good but not great", to downright bad, I'm more apt to believe that even though timing may not be right, sometimes you have to have the courage to pursue something that will be better for the rest of your life, instead of what is good and safe at the moment.

Unfortunately that leaves me with the dilemma of what I'm expecting out of dating again....is it something for fun, just for the moment, or is it something I do in pursuit of a real relationship, at the expense of giving up on another possibility that seems like it would be so great?   Unfortunately, and quite expectantly, I don't have the answer at the moment! But it's definitely something to ponder and consider as I move forward.

However, for the time being I'll venture back to fantasy land, to avoid confusing realities.  So I am going to write a fantasy about Miss E that I will post later.

Again with feet

I woke up this morning in the midst of a dream....about E's feet again.  This is so crazy because as I said before, I've never had a foot fetish or been particularly interested in women's feet or footwear.  I just always saw sexy shoes or boots as a nice addition to a beautiful woman.  However, I woke up dreaming about welcoming E home from work, sitting her down with a glass of wine, slipping off her exquisite heels and giving her a long, firm foot massage, ending with kisses on her beautifully painted toes.

I'm also hoping to see E in her new boots!  She recently bought this new pair of boots and says she likes to wear them with a skirt when it's not too cold.  I'm praying for nice weather and a chance to meet up for lunch or coffee!

Melody

Although we usually text or IM, E and I talked on the phone today, just saying hi and catching up.  It was cool to talk as friends again, but hearing her voice was also a pleasure.  I had forgotten how unique and exciting her voice is.  Believe me, if you heard her voice you'd realize instantly that it's incredibly unique, and to me it's melodic.  Anyway, it was nice to talk today..although I was on my way to a date, the second this week.  Both dates were fun, but afterwards I still found my thoughts drifting back to E.  Oh well, I'll just keep moving on.

Reality

Just another quick sanity check for me.  The reality is that I find E to be intelligent, stimulating, and beautiful.  I like her as a person, as a woman, a friend, and am proud of her accomplishments and abilities.  Her moodiness, abruptness, and cold controlling demeanor annoy me at times, but also fascinate me.  I appreciate all that makes her who she is.

However, that is real life, but not reality.  Because we are not together, I will drift back into the fantasy of it.

Wrong Ring?

One time we were meeting for lunch and I asked Miss E if there was something I could do for her.  She told me to wear a cock ring for her and when I met her at the restaurant, to give her a hug and whisper in her ear that I was wearing the ring for her.

I was happy to perform this task for her.  The day of the lunch I stopped in the bathroom before leaving my office and slipped the cock ring over my cock and balls, tucked in my shirt, straightened my tie and left to meet Miss E.

The anticipation during the drive was exciting. I was happy to be doing something to please her.    I don't know what was going through her head or if she was as excited to have me trying to please her, and I still don't know, but I hope that she enjoyed it.

I arrived at the restaurant and waited a few minutes for her to walk through the door.  She had such poise and sophistication.  She gave no hint that it was anything other than two friends meeting for lunch, she just gave me a friendly smile and said it was good to see me.  She was absolutely gorgeous in her business suit.  She's tall and elegant, and with her classy, yet sexy, high heels she stands even with me at 6'.  Her beautiful brown eyes sparkled and her radiant smile was awe inspiring.  She simply glided across the lobby to me.  I struggled to contain my excitement and casually stepped to her, wrapped my arms around her and whispered into her ear "I'm wearing my cock ring for you".  

She let a tiny smile crease her lips, but gave now other outward response.  Again, I don't know if it had any effect on her, or if she just has such total control, but again I was in awe of her.

We ate lunch and there was the occasional mention or joke about the ring, but mostly just friendly conversation and banter.  Of course I wanted to jump out of my skin, but she remained calm and composed.  So elegant and strong!

As I was driving back, I received a text from her, requiring me to send her a picture of the ring.  I was excited that she was showing her interest and quickly returned to the office and snapped a picture for her.  Unfortunately I don't have the actual picture anymore. In fact I think I threw the ring away, maybe out of embarrassment, because I can't find it.  However, in the picture below you can see the purple rubber ring in the upper right corner, obviously not an impressive device.

Her response to the picture was simply..."I didn't think it would be purple".  At that moment I was embarrassed and felt like I had failed her.  I felt like I was naive for having a simple rubber cock ring.  I didn't know what her expectations were, but I instantly looked up other rings and realized that there were much more sophisticated rings and that she had probably expected and wanted to see one of those.  

It probably had no bearing on anything, but I occasionally wonder if she would have been  more pleased had I been wearing a true ring (like the one pictured below).  I also often think of buying such a ring in case I ever have the opportunity to wear it for her again, but then I realize it is a futile act.

Reasoning

As I've alluded to before, I value E's friendship above all else, however I also have a romantic interest in her, which is impossible to pursue, so therefore I choose to revert to fantasy when I start thinking about her to avoid the unpleasant reality. 

Unfortunately our friendship has dissipated over the past 2 years. Partially through the natural occurrence of busy and conflicting schedules.  However, probably a greater proportion of the responsibility lies in the fact that we got "close", although never really crossed a hard line, and she feels guilt over it.  That guilt and the fact that I have difficulty letting it go at times probably creates a divide.

Therefore I choose to focus on Miss E and not face the realities of missing E as a friend and more.

I see that there have been a few visitors to this blog and they've probably found it quite boring.  I can't promise that it will become more entertaining, but I'll try to find a way.  

Thank you and welcome to those that have stopped by.

Games

I've recognized that one of the activities that perpetuates my submissive feelings and tie to Miss E is playing online games.

We play a couple of different word puzzle type games online.  First, it's the only communication or contact we sometimes have for days, so it's a way to stay in touch.  However secondly, her dominant behavior manifests itself through the games.  Even though all communication is only done via text, I can sense her dominance. She sends simple, strong, and to the point commands...a simple "Go" when it is my turn, or the occasional "Take your turn" command.  I don't know if this is intentional to put me in my place and exert her power, or if it's simply her personality. Either way it subjects me to her power and makes me crave it.

I'm quite certain that it is not intentional on her part, but
nevertheless it affects me.

It's an interesting study and insight into my own psyche.

Why Miss E?

So what is this blog?  I'm a single 4o yr old male that is using this blog as an occasional diversion for me that may or may not be entertaining at some point, and depending upon your preferences may or may not be interesting.

Who is Miss E?

Miss E is an old high school friend that I lost touch with over the years.  We were good friends in HS, but not incredibly close.  Apparently she had a big "crush" on me at some point during HS, but I was too preoccupied with other girls, sports, and just being a teenage guy to have any interest.

A few years ago,we reconnected and began catching up through email.  Eventually her and her husband moved back to the area and we began meeting for lunch and catching up more.  Without going into too many details at this time, the friendship grew and I saw something in her that I hadn't ever seen in her.  She wasn't very happy at the time, so our friendship took a slightly more personal turn, but nothing ever happened between us...we just got closer, shared more, and became best friends.

Somewhere along the way I "fell" for her.

One of the reasons, although not the only nor the main reason, but the one that I will be focusing on with this blog is a dominant/submissive relationship.  She has a very dominant personality and I've developed a submissive side over the past few years.  During a harmless, yet flirtatious, talk I admitted to her that I had submissive feelings and she admitted that she would enjoy being dominant over a man.  Nothing ever happened, but her demeanor became a little more stern and direct with me, which struck a chord deep down inside.  And at times she enjoyed the bit of control she had over me.

For example, the profile picture is of her foot.  She sent that, and other similar pictures, to me periodically.  I had never had a foot fetish or had any special fascination with women's feet.  I merely thought a sexy pair of heels enhanced the overall appearance of a woman.  However, now after having her send me those pictures and asking me to tell her why I liked them, I am now captivated and enthralled with her feet.  In fact, although she is a very attractive woman, I had not ever been attracted "to her".  That's not anything against her, that's just the way I am.  I don't tend to be physically enchanted by a woman until I know her better.  There has only been one girl that I fell for just because of her looks, and I quickly learned that no matter how physically beautiful a girl may be, she may not be "attractive" in the least.  However, as we became closer and our friendship grew, I saw more of Miss E's beauty and now I  find her to be an incredibly beautiful and sexy woman!

Things eventually improved in her life, so our relationship grew apart.  We are still friends, but we communicate infrequently and do not have the same level of sharing and trust that we once had.

I occasionally become slightly fixated on her and the desire to see her, speak to her, or just see pictures of her face or feet, and when I ask her for them she becomes irritated, so this is my outlet when I'm in one of those moods.

I may tell fantasies I have, I may tell stories of our innocent encounters and how they affected me, or I may just write about totally random topics, but I'm starting this as a way to release my desires when they arise.  As I alluded to earlier, the dominant side of Miss E isn't the only, nor the most important, reason that I fell for her, but it is the subject that is most difficult to suppress when I'm thinking about it.

Thanks for stopping by and I welcome correspondence or comments on any subject.